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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Change the Bill, Fuckers!

Yea, as if anybody reads this shit anyways. I have realized lately that many people make me mad by doing stupid things. Especially companies that overbill because THEY fucked up.

This makes me angry.

above: i was enraged

Here is a company I hate, for example.

But, at least Peter Adderton has been able to line his pockets nicely.
Why, you ask?

Summary: Amp'd Mobile Sucks.
I have a plan. It is a decent plan, as I am not a dipshit cheerleader with a squeaky voice, you T-Mobile commercial bastards.

500 Anytimes Minutes- $30 a month
Unlimited Text Messaging- $10 a month
Unlimited Nights (7PM-7AM)- $7 a month
Getting billed $224.61 because some dipshit employee forgot to add the 250 minutes for two months that he promised you when his "bo dunk piece of shit" company wouldn't allow you to upgrade your plan because it was an incentive for new customers only but you're not considered a new customer because you got your phone 31 days ago and the cutoff is 30 days so now you have to call their incompetent half witted mildly retarded "billing" staff and the thought of being put on hold one more time so they can look up your account information makes you want to puke rat blood all over their computers and all you truly want is for them to take off the stupid fucking calling charges but all they can do is escalate it to the "billing" department- PRICELESS!

Yes, the punchline was a bit long, but it was true, and all for you. I'm considering posting all over the documents that show Amp'd directly "shafting" me. But not in the good way.

What I did-
You all know the routine: if you owe a company money, there is no shortage in their attempts to contact you. They e-mail you, call your house, your cell, e-mail you, homing pidgeons, bricks through your windows, tattoo on your girlfriend's face, hot sauce in your vaseline, soak your toliet paper in acid- the works. But heaven forbid, THEY fuck up. Not on my watch, Amp'd.

So, I called everyday, making sure that each time my claim was "escalated to our billing department."
I "chatted with a customer care agent."
I sent e-mails all day long.
I called CEO Peter Adderton and left a message in his office (believe it or not, he didn't call me back.)

And guess what, kids, Amp'd fixed my bill. Imagine that! The heartless fuckers removed their dildos from every available orifice, and actually fixed my fucking bill. So, now it is only $60. Which is still bullshit. I want this month free. I am in college, and pay for my own bills. Gimme a free month, you fucking rich geek!

Lemme know if I should post all my files, which include hilarious quotes by Amp'd staff like:
> > > Thanks for Contacting Ampd Mobile
> > >
> > > Ok, I've escalated your billing issue to the billing dept. & the
> > > billing dept is going to take a look at your billing issue. The
> > > billing dept will give you a call back when they have gathered
> > > information needed about your billing issue.
> > > Please allow 24hrs to 2 days for the billing dept to take a look
> > > into your information
> > > Once again, We would like to Apologize for any inconveniences
> > > brings you.
> > >
> > > Have we answered your question? We hope so. If any other
> > > questions come to mind, feel free to email back."

Touche, Amp'd you talk good.

If you hate phone companies, or have a good story about how you owned the shit out of them to change your bill, send me what you got. I'm thinking about making a side page for when people "fight the fight that they know is right" and get positive results. Fuck phone companies!

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Gay Ban Ignored, Stolen 'Sclades, And Idol Shit

With fast and swift action Gummint Officials have already tossed the would be ban on gay marriage. Odd, that when dealing with something as trivial as whether or not administration should pause their feverishly relentless Neo Nazi practices to outlaw gay marriage, we are also losing true American heroes.

Which reminds me of how much I hate Canadians. Omar, sorry comrade, but you just don't do it for me anymore. You've lost that attraction, ya know? And out of sheer curiosity, where have you and your AAA (African American Alliance, a black supremacist hate group that your pre pubescent sex toy and hilariously named "Woozie" is undoubtedly looking to form) friend been lately?

You can still comment even with comment moderation on, but careful, I might not let it happen. Oh you sweet things, how I've missed you.

But at least some home boys are ridin clean. Just beacuse they didn't pay for 'em doesn't mean they shouldn't get to drive them. Ya know, nurka?

Sweet lil' ride

But in regards to even dumber shit, Katherine McDeeznuts from American Idol can suck a mean one, and apparently well enough to earn herself a record deal. YAY.

All in all, I think I'd rather tea bag her butthole rather than let Tay Tay deep throat me.

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Swedish Nipples Day

That is right boys and girls, and here are come Swedish nips for ya.
Here is one.

And another.

Yes, they are attractive, and yes, I would probably annihilate them in a wierd, wierd way.

Also Socom 3 is the most addictive game of all time, which is why some people look like this. But, at least they are the driving force of revenue between websites like MadThumbs and Vaseline. Thank God for those internet heroes.

But, enjoy Swedish nipples day, and when you're jerking the gurk, thank me. But not until after you're done, because that is just fucking creepy.

I lost my wallet last night and had to sit in the license place, one different that the regular DMV, and it sucked even more than usual. Here were some of my companions.

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Monday, June 05, 2006

Gay Hating and Picture Hustlin'

Of course when you see the headline you must think of the man. No, not the white guy that owns the company you're probably at right now hoping he doesn't pop around the corner and catching you reading this shit, but THE man. Commander in Chief Bush. So, he might now like gays, but at least he used to bug-zap killers in Texas.

Bush and Frist are quoted in CNN'sunmatchable in detail story as stating that no other institution is as perfectly conceieved as marriage between a man and a woman, possibly explained why DaVinci was so obsessed with Jesus's love life.

Speaking of love lives that are bullshit, Brad Pitt is a bastard. After ravaging one of the hottest women in existence, he knocked up a full lipped brother-humping vial of blood toting psycho, who also happens to be 7 years younger than Anniston and very, very attractive. Thier baby pictures are being sold, and will then be distributed by Getty images. Other celebrities have sold their baby pictures for millions, so it won't be a shocker when these Polaroids bring in some serious fuckin bank.

With parents that have been repeatedly named as the sexiest of their respective sexes, the baby is bound to be attractive. Sources close to the couple have released this sketch of the infant:

The baby is said to be in good health.

Meanwhile, don't ever cheat on your boyfriend. Bitch.

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Friday, June 02, 2006

A Pregnant Gold-digger, a Bold Governator, Forty Thousand Dead Iraqis

Well, Anna Nicole Smith has now admitted to being pregnant. Her first and only child was twenty years ago, at the ripe old age of 18. After fucking that marriage over, probably by being a worthless but magnificently breasted whore, she went digging with an 89 year old oil tycoon. She is still battling with the wealthy bastard's son.

Above: Whore

At least the Governator is in full swing. After a short battle with Bush, Dick, Colon and Associates, he has finally agreed to send 1,000 troops to the Californian border to deal with what many are affectionately calling "wetbacks." Sorry, Spics.

At least the sign is funny. The troops that will be sent are going to primarily consist of those Guardsmen that volunteered for 6-12 month assignments, which pretty much means dick, because even though I love America, people lie.

But while they are defending the border against people who will actually DO work and not bitch about it, we will be simultaneously slaughtering Iraqis apparently. What they don't mention, is that those "civilians" were probably doing something like this: video.
So fuck that kid, hopefully the video cut off right before our troops tortured his little insurgent ass.

Also, hello to my faithful readers "Omar" and "Woozie." Your continued support is unparalleled in its importance to our establishment here at GetTheNickIn. Thanks.

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Dirty Cops, Fish, and Drunk British People

Of course in Florida, a state known for bikini wearing hotties and the neverending supply of old people, a policeman would get caught not for bribery or murder or extreme corruption, but this. It actually wouldn't make too bad of some kind of wierd porn site, but you'd probably have to move the Krispy Kreme box and Klan hood out of the way of his camera.

And in even more INCREDIBLE news, an aquarium marks 2 million visitors! Yes, that is this many: 2,000,000. Sweet, huh? Flipper and Shamu would be pleased. Hope everyone rememebers that their blowholes are for "breathing," not what Monika Lewisnky is so famous for.

Gotta respect someone famous for giving oral. That is one power infested wee-wee ol' Billiam Clinton has dangling. Blowhole is a funny word, though. Wonder what Elton is thinking about...

Above: Sassy Sir contemplates cylindrical dinner with mayo garnish

But still, British people could apparently out drink him. Wood stained teeth, powdered wigs, and hairy women all hail from the country that wishes they were us. It is common for we Americans to be hated, mocked, and believe it or not, ADORED. Americans know how to drink, too, Brits. Don't hide behind those phony numbers.

But now back to your lives people. Facebooking, checking you university e-mail accounts, sleeping, eating, having a dashboard camera film you while drinking with British people in a really popular aquarium with a blue dress with Bill milk on it, and just hanging out.

That is all for today. Head to mission control for debriefing and send all of your attractive nude pictures here. Goodbye, dear children.

After finding out the I am absolutely disgusted that when searching for the Tuesday Times you find all of these really annoying, stupid fucking journalists and a plethora of other unfunny bullshit, I have decided to change the Tuesday Times name. I know, many of the readers that have been around since the first issue might not like this idea, but it has to be done. This also means that Frank Duprosti, famed creator of the site, is legally changing his name to Nick Duprosti. The new site will have the same content and layout, but as you can now see in your address bar, it is now " ." Sorry for any inconveniences, but I am the only person that I want to pop up when I search for stupid fucking unfunny annoying bullshit. Cock.

For hate mail, email me faggots.

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